‘We’ve only just begun’: Why decriminalizing polygamy is so serious by guest writer, Dr. Lisa Severine Nolland UK

12/28/2013 18:46



‘We’ve only just begun’:   Why decriminalizing polygamy is so serious
by guest writer, Dr. Lisa Severine Nolland  
United Kingdom

La Joie de Vivre 1:8 (Dec. 22, 2013) -- The Stakes of Polygamy [guest writer L.S. Nolland]

Gay history shows that liberation comes in steps. First gay relationships had to be accepted as legitimate and non-criminal. Once that occurred, then gay marriage followed. I think our [poly] normalization will follow the same course. Canadian poly spokesman John Ince, 2011 (1) 
Dr. Lisa S. Nolland, UK
A very few voices---the Normal Suspects of a more conservative political persuasion---are sounding the alarm over the implications of the recent success of Kody Brown’s court case.  A federal court judge has ruled that the ‘marital’ relationships of Kody and his ‘sister wives’ must be decriminalized.  Based upon the rights accorded gays and lesbians from the historic Lawrence v Texas verdict, individuals in polygamous relationships must be treated in similar fashion. 
Mainstream media are ignoring this game-changer, while those who know of it appear to be unaware of its ultimate significance.
But it worries me. Hugely.
What’s the fundamental problem?
This decision is not about whether you or I decide to add a spouse into the mix of our present too-full marital and family lives, buy another double bed and exchange our four door for an MPV. It is not even about how we relate to that nice polygamous family down the street who have so many and such well-behaved children.  
It is about the new, ‘progressive’ paradigm of ’marriage’ which all of us will be signing up to and being influenced by one way or the other---and which has already begun with SSM. 
It is about how mainstream institutions manipulate the discourse to such an extent that professionals in ‘The System’ need to collude with the myths that all sexualities, sexual expressions and family forms are equally good and right, and that only ugly nasty people ‘discriminate’.  
It is about even greater amounts of self-censoring needed in front of our children and grandchildren who now inhabit a different moral universe, thanks to the brainwashing of the media, their peers and school.  
Finally, it is about how, if things continue as they are, our culture, our churches, we as individuals, will be unable to censure any sexuality and ‘orientation’ in the future. To do so will be deemed ‘racist’ and evil: not to be tolerated!  
Polygamy reborn, polyamory newly arrived 
But back to Kody, his ‘wives’ and some terminology.  Polygamy tends to revolve around an alpha (heterosexual) male and two or more (heterosexual) females, and has been around since Year Dot.  
The Old Testament in the Bible is replete with narratives of polygamous families whose dysfunctionality is writ large. In both Testaments, polygamy is seen as neither the norm nor ideal.  Those who practiced it paid for it, especially the children. In the main, polygamous families would tend to be sexually monogamous or ‘exclusive’ --- in other words, outside sex would be frowned upon, even prohibited. They would envision permanent life partnerships. 
But polygamy is only one of the kinds of relationships included in last week’s verdict. The far more sinister one (for me) is polyamory (literally ‘plural loves’), which is post-modern, second-wave feminist, secular, not necessarily permanent (2), and often bisexual in nature.(3) Though some polys (their term) have exclusive or ‘closed’ relationships, it is far more common for even ‘married’ polys to be ‘open’, or non-exclusive; outside sex is allowed. But regardless, the material point of poly is that ‘two won’t do’. 
Polyamorists have long been rooting for Kody and his legal team because their futures are tied up with his. The poly quote (at the top) is from a polyamory spokesperson in British Columbia, where it is claimed informal polyamory has been decriminalized since 2011. Canadian readers, do you realise this?  
Mainstream media continue to try to keep polys in their closet, because they deem that the public is probably still too binary-focused and –obsessed (ATM).  They must not be roused from their slumbers by being shown what they have let themselves in for. It could be too alarming.  
The trick is to convince the public that nothing much has changed, really, and certainly not in their back garden. Otherwise they might become alarmed and start to rethink their ‘progressive’ new ideas, and how this is more than they bargained for.  They might actually start to protest the new orthodoxy! 
‘We’ve only just begun’
As a sex historian, I have been tracking these developments since the 70s. In his seminalTransformation of Intimacy (1993), British sociologist Anthony Giddens described the trajectory of this pan sexual revolution; sadly, his predictions have proved too true.  
The fundamental notions of this revolution permeate the cultural air we breathe and influence us all. Though we are only in its early stages, the rate of change has grown exponentially while the scope continues to broaden and deepen.
Beginning with the Swinging Sixties, this revolution ‘liberated’ straight sex and sexual relationships: pornography, promiscuity, cohabitation, no-fault divorce. Then it moved on to ‘liberate’ those of the LGBT communities. Now it looks to include those in plural partnerships. 
One of the correlates of this sex revolution is that no one may ‘judge’ another’s sexual actions; that is not allowed unless something egregious is occurring. One may have personal opinions and preferences; one may choose whether or not to engage in X or Y, but there is nothing right or wrong, no moral censure or virtue to be attached to any of it.  
Taking the gloves off 
However, that only works with minimum road kill if people essentially behave themselves. What happens when truly alternative sexualities and their practices begin to emerge, when the impossible becomes the plausible, then the defensible, and so on?

What is not widely understood is that there are various sexualities and ‘orientations’ (including polys, of whom the ‘orientation’ claim is publicly argued (4)) who make the same demands for legal and social inclusion and on the same basis as those of the now respectably mainstream LG communities. They are tired of waiting! 
They deploy the same arguments as the LGBT: ‘This is me and my identity, I was born this way, I am not hurting anyone, society discriminates against me, I am not putting up with it anymore!’   
Niche alternative sex practices are spreading into straight world as well through mainstream sexual ’health’ sites.  Though you may not wish to engage in ‘blue-sky sex’ you are not the target audience: it is your kids they are after. 
Along with polys, celibate pedophiles (AKA MAPs, minor-attracted people) and zoophiles (those in loving relationships with animals, mostly dogs and horses), are emerging now into ‘progressive’ mainstream currents.  
MAPs have come out on premier sites like B4U-Act and Virtuous Pedophiles, with positive press in the Guardian (UK) and the LA Times.  Zoos like poor Cody Beck see themselves as gays did in the 50s and ironically note the deliberate marginalization and exclusion of their sexuality by both the straight and LGBT communities (so much for the ‘All’ in LGBT ’Equality and Inclusion’ straplines). (5) Even ‘ethicist’ Dan Savage is equivocal about ‘zoos’:  see his advice at FN (6).
One of the most serious sex practices perfected in gay world, promoted on their health sites and sold to a straight public without a health warning, is anal sex. (7)  It is approximately 30X more risky for the receptive partner than vaginal sex (because of the fragility of the rectal wall, the function of M cells etc). (8) Even worse is fisting (the insertion of a hand up into the vagina or rectum).  Examples of such  high-risk activities being whitewashed and sold to children as young as 13 via mainstream sexual ‘health’ sites in Canada and the UK can be read here: 
https://teenhealthsource.com/sex/fingering-fisting-101/;  https://www.respectyourself.info/index.php?s=fisting;  
https://www.brook.org.uk/index.php/a-z-of-sex?letter=A (entry under anal sex). (9)

Silent and running scared 
Moral conservatives never properly responded to the moral, psychological, sexual or public health challenges of liberating ‘straight’ sex and relationships, ditto for the LGBT. They did not want to rain on anyone’s parade, nor add more guilt and pain to the lots of already broken hurting people they knew and loved. It seemed so unkind to ‘cast stones’. Live and let live, just do your best, that is what counts!  
And because what actually happens as one ‘liberates’ sex is always heavily censored, it never seemed that bad to the more ignorant and innocent-minded. Little did they know what was in store, but not for them---they are written off as irredeemably Neanderthal and heterosexist---but for their children and grandchildren and their future lives.  
Time for Push Back
However, it is not too late to respond to these challenges. Indeed, if we care about our children and their futures, we must step up to the plate. 
The pan sexual revolution is premised upon (among other key factors) Alfred Kinsey’s so-called ‘science’. He promised sexual liberation and orgasmic bliss; his revolution has delivered disease, addiction, impotency and family destruction (Kinsey’s sex life and marriage is one more reason not to ‘do as I do’: see James Jones’ authoritative biography (10)). We need to blow the whistle! Dr Miriam Grossman and Dr Judith Reisman are great resources here: https://www.miriamgrossmanmd.com/ and https://www.drjudithreisman.com/

·         Call LGBT activists out on their own hypocrisy. They continuously claim the moral high ground of including and accepting all: they are the Good Guys! However, this is a lie. They too discriminate. They too exclude, they too marginalize, they are just dishonest about it. Publicly demand that they actually include all the still-closeted sexualities and minorities or come clean.    
·         Sign up to receive emails from conservative family political groups. They may not be quite to your taste but co-belligerancy is critically important (think what would have happened in WWII if the West had refused to join forces with Stalin?). For instance, the Family Research Council, along with CitizenLink and NOM (National Organization for Marriage) have been three of the handful of groups pointing out the slippery slope from SSM to poly marriage. They produce good analysis which can be very useful; the Manhattan Declaration is another. (11) 

·         As you educate yourself on these issues expand your sphere of influence by engaging with would-be like minds. It is said that Winston Churchill won the war by talking about it. We need to start talking! Or passing on helpful materials. 

·         If you are part of a religious community, ask your leaders to raise awareness of these issues through their preaching, teaching and praying.     

·         Invest in and mentor your children and grandchildren; let them know your views and why you hold them. You want their best, so you hate what will harm them. 
I am only one, but still I am one. I cannot do everything, but still I can do something; and because I cannot do everything, I will not refuse to do something that I can do.  ~Helen Keller
1/  John Ince, November 26th and December 12, 2011:https://polyinthemedia.blogspot.co.uk/search/label/Canada
6/  ‘In short... my advice... which is really going to annoy Mike "Man and Animal" Huckabee... is... um... to buy that big house, RUFF, one with a nice, big yard... and do what you gotta do.Inside, please, shades drawn.  Bestiality is wrong, wrong, wrong, because an animal cannot give its consent. But... uh... anyone who's ever actually owned a boy dog knows that most would be only too delighted to... um... well, you know’; https://www.thestranger.com/seattle/SavageLove?oid=496400 

7/ https://www.bentbarsproject.org/sites/default/files/THT_bottomlinethe124_0.pdf;https://www.gmfa.org.uk/how-risky-is-fuckinghttps://www.rainbowbournemouth.co.uk/pdf/sexy_stuff_guys.pdf 

8/ https://www.miriamgrossmanmd.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/11/sex_ed_report.pdf  p 23

9/ https://www.narth.org/docs/healthrisks.html
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